By Margaret Hedderman
Okay, people. I’m only gonna say this once. America has a HUGE problem. It’s not obesity. It’s not guns. And it sure as hell ain’t shooting all our wolves. Okay, those are pretty big problems, but that’s not what we’re here today to discuss. No. This is big. Really big. America has a life skills deficiency problem. At the risk of becoming Liz Lemon, let me proceed.
1. Peeing on the toilet seat
This is a growing epidemic in public washrooms – not just among men’s rooms, but among A LOT of women’s as well. Personally, I don’t get it. You don’t have far to aim and it’s a pretty big hole. 9 out of 10 public loos I visited on my recent road trip to Canada were sprayed with urine as if the modern woman is now practicing her right to sway and spray. What’s worse, you don’t clean it up! Obviously someone will notice that you kindly left your mark all over the washroom. How do you not care? Come on. Learn how to pee, people.
2. Turn Signals
Why are you flipping me off because I didn’t know you would suddenly turn into oncoming traffic? It’s called a turn signal. It’s really simple to use. You just press this little lever down… you’ll figure it out. I’ll admit, I have driven for months on end with my blinker lights out, but I still flipped the lever. So, it still counts.
3. Not Shoveling Your Sidewalk
So, I’m not a big fan of shoveling snow. I’m pretty sure that’s what the sun is for – like how air exists to dry the dishes. But, conveniently for the sun, the days are too short in the winter months for it to thoroughly do its job melting the snow. So, that means it’s up to us humans to get out there and make the sidewalks safe. Joyce knows, those college girls aren’t gonna stop wearing 5″ heals just because of a little ice on the sidewalks.