By Margaret Hedderman
Last week I announced the end of the world. This week, due to popular demand, I am recanting my previous reports. My publicist has issued the following statement:
I, Margaret Hedderman, was wrong to despair at the following catastrophic events:
- The Haiti Earthquake
- The Chile Earthquake
- Eyjafjallajökull Explosion
- Mexico Earthquake
- China Earthquake
- Mississippi Tornadoes
- Melting Glaciers
- Arizona’s New Immigration Law
- Judd Crapatow
Being neither a scientist nor a soothsayer, I am clearly not qualified to make such announcements. I willing to offer (for a price) my most humble and esteemed apologies if you sold your car and began cycling to work. I will personally offer my services to rub the soreness from your legs.
… I need a new publicist.
I’m turning over a new leaf this week, and then returning it for Leave No Trace. Despite recent cataclysmic events and my previous despair, my guru tells me (over and over, I wish he’d just shut up) there’s always the off chance we’re not going to implode from nuclear war, reminds me to breathe, and charges me for half my worth. I need a new guru.
There is, however, a small likelihood that my publicist and guru are right. And maybe, just maybe, we haven’t reached peak oil and our population growth isn’t drastically spiraling out of control. Unfortunately, if this is the case, dear Lord, have we got some work to do. I’ve been informed that measures have already been taken. Ray LaHood, the United States Transportation Secretary, has called for a restructuring of transportation; including a national network of cycling trails. The Obama Administration has also announced Cape Wind, The United States first (potential) wind farm off the coast of Massachusetts.
But these are small steps in comparison to what we can do. Let me put this into layman terms. (*SPOILER ALERT*) At the end of The Lord of the Rings, the clouds of Mordor spread filth across Middle Earth. All the orcs of Mordor lay between Frodo and Mt. Doom. Hope seemed lost until Aragorn, Gandalf and co. rode out to meet the Mouth of Sauron head on in front of the Gates of Mordor. There was no hope for themselves; only hope that Frodo would succeed in destroying the ring.
I think we can all see the relevance.
Whether or not we’re doomed to have our filthy little heads ripped off by orcs (that’s a metaphor, btw), we each have a decision to make. Do we live our lives easily and carefree, contributing to our own demise (though it may be unavoidable,) or do we fight a losing battle and ultimately do the right thing?